A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy. Joan Rivers
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso. Rita Rudner
I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. Rita Rudner
If anybody says their facelift doesn’t hurt, they’re lying. It was like I’d spent the night with an axe murderer. Sharon Osbourne
Falsies are the bust that money can buy. Bob Levinson
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery. Joan Rivers