Mark Twain Quotes

Faith is believing what you know ain’t so. Mark Twain

Golf is a good walk spoiled. Mark Twain

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twain

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. Mark Twain

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain

Get the facts first. You can distort them later. Mark Twain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice. Mark Twain

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. Mark Twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain

Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it. Mark Twain

Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him. Mark Twain

The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands. Mark Twain

Citizenship is what makes a republic; monarchies can get along without it. Mark Twain

Virtue has never been as respectable as money. Mark Twain

No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live. Mark Twain

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Mark Twain

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness. Broad, wholesome, charitable views cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth. Mark Twain

I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. Mark Twain

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes. Mark Twain

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. Mark Twain

I did not attend his funeral; but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain

Be good and you will be lonesome. Mark Twain

There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency – and a virtue; and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency – and a vice. Mark Twain

I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn’t break my bonds. Mark Twain

The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card. Mark Twain

There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it. Mark Twain

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. Mark Twain

If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go. Mark Twain

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time. Mark Twain

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. Mark Twain

They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain

Buy land, they’re not making it anymore. Mark Twain

Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law. Mark Twain

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. Mark Twain

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. Mark Twain

God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. Mark Twain

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Mark Twain

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. Mark Twain

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. Mark Twain

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others. Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain

Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough. Mark Twain

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. Mark Twain

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all. Mark Twain

There is nothing so annoying as a good example. Mark Twain

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old. Mark Twain

A man cannot be made comfortable without his own approval. Mark Twain

I take my only exercise acting as pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. Mark Twain

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. Mark Twain

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become, until he goes abroad. Mark Twain

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Mark Twain

Fleas can be taught nearly everything that a Congressman can. Mark Twain

There are several good protections against temptations but the surest is cowardice. Mark Twain

Etiquette requires us to admire the human race. Mark Twain

Hunger is the handmaid of genius. Mark Twain

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain

There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship. Mark Twain