The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be. Jerry Seinfeld
Let’s face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end of it. Jerry Seinfeld
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. Jerry Seinfeld
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end. Jerry Seinfeld
You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’ Jerry Seinfeld
There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family; there are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. Jerry Seinfeld
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law. Jerry Seinfeld
The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun. Jerry Seinfeld