I’m a hero wid coward’s legs, I’m a hero from the waist up. Spike Milligan
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. Spike Milligan
Money couldn’t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. Spike Milligan
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. Spike Milligan
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order. Spike Milligan
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. Spike Milligan
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. Spike Milligan
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Spike Milligan
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. Spike Milligan
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? Spike Milligan
His vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field with weights tied to his scrotum. Spike Milligan
It was a perfect marriage. She didn’t want to and he couldn’t. Spike Milligan
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States. Spike Milligan
Her mother was a cultivated women…she was born in a greenhouse. Spike Milligan