I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. Rodney Dangerfield
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. Rodney Dangerfield
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about. Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. Rodney Dangerfield