I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it. George Carlin
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.. George Carlin
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that. George Carlin
Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting yourself from who you really are. George Carlin
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80’s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ’s. George Carlin
We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket. George Carlin