I don’t want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too. Jack Benny
Gags die, humor doesn’t. Jack Benny
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Jack Benny
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. Jack Benny
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Jack Benny
I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either. Jack Benny
Comedy itself is based upon very old principals of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation. Jack Benny
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. Jack Benny