Woody Allen Quotes

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it by not dying! Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen

I believe there’s something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it’s the government. Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever. Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen

I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. Woody Allen

I didn’t know he was dead; I thought he was British. Woody Allen

In Beverly Hills … they don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. Woody Allen

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen

My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don’t come now. Woody Allen (Daily Tel 19/12/2005)

When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while. Woody Allen

The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants. Woody Allen