A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. Fred Allen
Imitation is the sincerest form of television. Fred Allen
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart. Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. Fred Allen
What’s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? Fred Allen
Television is a device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything. Fred Allen
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand. Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. Fred Allen
California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange. Fred Allen
An actor’s popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. Fred Allen