Faith is believing what you know ain’t so. Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled. Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twain
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain
Get the facts first. You can distort them later. Mark Twain
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice. Mark Twain
Necessity is the mother of taking chances. Mark Twain
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain
Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it. Mark Twain
Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him. Mark Twain
The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands. Mark Twain
Citizenship is what makes a republic; monarchies can get along without it. Mark Twain
Virtue has never been as respectable as money. Mark Twain
No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live. Mark Twain
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Mark Twain
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness. Broad, wholesome, charitable views cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth. Mark Twain
I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. Mark Twain
A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes. Mark Twain
The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral; but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
Be good and you will be lonesome. Mark Twain
There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency – and a virtue; and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency – and a vice. Mark Twain
I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn’t break my bonds. Mark Twain
The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card. Mark Twain
There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it. Mark Twain
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. Mark Twain
If I cannot smoke cigars in Heaven, I shall not go. Mark Twain
I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time. Mark Twain
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. Mark Twain
They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
Buy land, they’re not making it anymore. Mark Twain
Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law. Mark Twain
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. Mark Twain
No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. Mark Twain
God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. Mark Twain
Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. Mark Twain
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. Mark Twain
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others. Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain
Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough. Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. Mark Twain
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old second-hand diamonds than none at all. Mark Twain
There is nothing so annoying as a good example. Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old. Mark Twain
A man cannot be made comfortable without his own approval. Mark Twain
I take my only exercise acting as pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. Mark Twain
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. Mark Twain
The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become, until he goes abroad. Mark Twain
Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Mark Twain
Fleas can be taught nearly everything that a Congressman can. Mark Twain
There are several good protections against temptations but the surest is cowardice. Mark Twain
Etiquette requires us to admire the human race. Mark Twain
Hunger is the handmaid of genius. Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain
There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship. Mark Twain