A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. Garrison Keillor
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke. Garrison Keillor
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted. Garrison Keillor
A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. Garrison Keillor
A married guy is responsible for everything, no matter what. Women, thanks to their having been oppressed all these years, are blameless, free as birds, and all the dirt they do is the result of premenstrual syndrome or postmenstrual stress or menopause or emotional disempowerment by their fathers or low expectations by their teachers or latent unspoken sexual harassment in the workplace, or some other airy excuse. The guy alone is responsible for every day of marriage that is less than marvelous and meaningful. Garrison Keillor
A book is a gift you can open again and again. Garrison Keillor
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. Garrison Keillor
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. Garrison Keillor
Librarians…possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God’s green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth-breather there is. Garrison Keillor
Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. Garrison Keillor
Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome. Garrison Keillor
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize I’m going to miss mine by just a few days. Garrison Keillor